Don't Just Do Something, Stand There.

The title of this entry has been on my brain for the last few hours.

I heard John Green say it in one of his videos, and he was trying to explain how often during times of grieving people are so quick to try and find the silver lining or make things better or DO SOMETHING.

But sometimes what we really need is to be in the moment and love it or hate it for exactly what it is.

We need to feel things for a reason, no matter how hard they are.

After hearing John Green talk about a girl who was sixteen and died this week, it really got me thinking about life.

Well, to be accurate it had me crying about life.

I have been so stressed about the future lately to the point where I feel anxious or moody a lot of the time.

I want to major in English and go on to be an author and travel, but I'm worried there won't be money in that for a long time until my career picks up.

I'm jealous of my friends who tried hard in high school and got accepted into colleges.

I'm upset at myself for giving up my job in New York that I would be leaving for right now.

I'm mad that I don't have a boyfriend who I can confide in and have around all the time.

I feel like I try really hard for my friends and a lot of them wouldn't do the things I do for them.

But you know what?

NONE OF THAT MATTERS IN THE BIG PICTURE.

Not that I personally know anyone who has died recently, but I've been thinking a lot about it lately.

At any moment me or someone I love could die and I can't believe I spend so much time worrying about the petty things.

Sure, leaving for University later than some of my friends seems like the end of the world at the moment, but at least I WILL go to college.

And I don't have a boyfriend, but it doesn't mean I won't in the future.

It's hard to convey all these thoughts into words, but I can't stop crying and I didn't know where else to get this stuff off my chest.

I guess I just keep thinking of that sixteen year old who died, and she's two years younger than me.

It was just over so fast for her.

In my lifetime I haven't accomplished even a fraction of the things I want to do, but I do spend everyday around people I love, and sometimes that's enough.

I always think in the sense that, "My life will start when..." and that's not how I should be thinking.

What if twenty years from now when I'm married and have a career I'm still waiting for "the big something" to happen?

I don't want to go through life waiting for something exciting to happen, when to be honest everyday should be memorable.

I want to be able to look back and not feel like I've missed out on life just because I was waiting for it to happen.

To quote John Lennon, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

I'm sick of getting stressed over not having everything in line for my future, when I should be enjoying life right now.

It feels good to get everything that has been on my brain all night into writing, but every time I think about the girl who died, I start to lose it again.

I don't care if it sounds cliche, but life really is so unpredictable and if I died tomorrow I would want to leave this world happy with my life and loving the people I'm close to, not upset because everything didn't go exactly as I wanted it to.

I guess I need to give stressing out about the future a rest, and look at it as an adventure.

Life is going to come no matter what I do, and I don't want to lose what I have today for what I think I'll need tomorrow.

Just please, go tell someone you love them, or just appreciate the fact that if you're reading this you aren't dead.

I feel much better.

A Summer Briefing

Since we're nearing the end August and I've hardly updated all summer, I believe an update is in order.

I'm not quite sure where to begin, but I suppose my employment status is a good place.

I got a job at the Clark County Fair this year working at the elephant ear booth. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into once I got hired, seeing as it was only a ten day job and they basically didn't tell us anything about the job until we showed up for work. I've had jobs before, and this one was certainly the worst I've ever had (and the best paying), but at least it was only a temporary job.

The only reason I hated the job so much was constantly getting yelled at by multiple managers whenever they were feeling stressed.

I basically whined the entire duration of the fair and I will NEVER work for them again, but I have a nice paycheck coming, so I guess that will allow the fair-induced wounds to heal a bit quicker.

Oh, and I just got hired by the Burgerville Nomad Team!

So now I have a permanent job, and an awesome one at that.

I'll be working in the Nomad (basically an ice cream truck sort of thing for Burgerville food) and traveling around the Northwest to events like concerts, festivals, parks, etc.

I screamed for about ten minutes when I found out I'd been hired, and I have orientation coming up.

I LOVE having a steady job finally!

Next up on this summer update should be my love life I suppose.

As per usual with my love life, I really don't have a whole lot to update on.

The majority of the summer has been boy-less.

The summer started off with some good potential, and I really liked the guy with said potential.

But, now we don't talk and I'm still not completely sure why.

And thus concludes the only thing close to a love life I've had ALL summer.

Now we can discuss literature.

I think I've only read around eight books this summer, but I assure you the reading WILL PICK UP.

I've been working which has seriously put a dent in my reading time, but I just finished a book today and started another, so I'm at least on the right track.

I don't know as if I've ever been this excited for school to start back up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm completely enjoying not having homework or finals, but I need school to come back.

I never thought I'd say it, but I really do miss Clark.

I feel like I've run out to energy to talk about myself, but I hope the next entry will be much more interesting.

I've got some books to read.

Getting the words out

I have been feeling this incredible urge to write this week, and so here I am.

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about, but just getting my thoughts written down (and by written down I mean typed) always helps.

I just realized it's 6:00 in the evening and the only significant thing I've managed to do today was go to the gym.

Granted I worked out for two hours, having only done one thing seems like a bit of a waste of a day.

Especially since I had an awkward talk with a guy who works at the gym while I was doing crunches.

Just a word to the wise, NEVER approach a girl who has just worked out for two hours while she is doing crunches.

Not only was I a sweaty exhausted mess, but meeting someone while laying down on your back is never not awkward.

He told me he was a trainer, and we talked about my workout and he gave me advice on crunches.

Again, let's go back to the part that I was almost done with a workout, so the last thing I want to do is talk to some boy who is nineteen or twenty about working out when I looked (and probably smelt) awful.

Then he told me my account had personal training sessions left, so I should call him in the next few days and set one up.

Which most definitely will not be happening.

I enjoy the gym because it's a time where I listen to music and enjoy alone time, not try and talk about proper form for crunches awkwardly.

But he did say he really liked my name, and for that I can allow his horrible job at meeting clients to slide just this once.

Summer thus far has been quite enjoyable, but it also seems to be going by really fast.

I guess that's what happens when you actually have plans for once.

Going to see Rooney in concert was certainly a highlight.

I've decided from now on I am only attending concerts held at smaller venues.

Rooney performed so close to the audience, and the opening bands were just walking around in the crowd, and it was so much better than thousands of people at a large concert.

The Rooney concert was exactly what I needed.

I've been listening to The Postal Service since I was twelve or so, and Death Cab for Cutie for years, and I just realized that Ben Gibbard is the lead singer of both.

I have no idea how I didn't connect the two, but I feel incredibly lame for not realizing that.

A slurpee sounds incredible right now.

I feel like I need to get my hands on some new books.

I've read a few in the last week, but the library is closed on Sundays and Mondays (why you got to play me like that, library?) so for now I'm stuck waiting.

I've been carrying The Godfather around in my purse, and just reading it when I'm stuck waiting places, but I want another book to jump in to.

I'd also like to visit Powell's Bookstore soon, since I hear it's incredible.

Mmmm, literature.

Well, I'm not quite sure if I've said anything awe inspiring or meaningful, but I feel much better at least getting some words out there.

So, that's that.

The New and The Old.

So, as most American teens with radios may have noticed lately a lot of classic songs (or just songs that have been around for a few years) have been getting remixed and put into new songs.

Love them or hate them, they are everywhere.

And I thought I'd write about a few of the new songs I've heard and which version I prefer.

So, without further adieu....

Song #1

Original: "Alright" by Supergrass

New: "We'll Be Alright" by Travie McCoy

The Verdict: This one is so hard to pick. "Alright" has been one of my favorite feel good songs for years, and let's face it those guys just seem like fun to hang out with.

But on the other hand, Travie McCoy's version is so catchy (although perhaps a bit too pop-sounding) that you can't not hum along.

In the end it's too hard to pick, so I'm calling this one a tie.

Song #2

Original: "Kids" by MGMT

New: "Opposite of Adults" by Chiddy Bang

The Verdict: No. Just no. Leave my MGMT song alone.

No question who wins this round.

Song #3

Original "Forever Young" by Alphaville

New: "Young Forever" by Jay-Z

The Verdict: I will be the first to admit I love Jay-Z, but I really am not fond of this version. There is something about the original that has always made me love it, and I just feel like rap was not something that needed to be added to it. The original wins this round.

Also, I do love the cover of "Forever Young" as done by Rooney. COVER, not remake.

Song #4

Original: "You Spin Me Round" by Dead or Alive

New: "Right Round" by Flo Rida

The Verdict: While I have always loved the corny, horrible Dead or Alive original there is no question the remake wins.

Flo Rida turned a downright embarrassing song into something catchy and one of the songs I will always use as a workout track.

New kid wins on this one.

Song #5

Original: "Rich Girl" by Hall and Oates

New: "Rich Girl$" by Down With Webster

The Verdict: While lacking in the moustache department, Down with Webster clearly did a version that is less likely to put someone to sleep.

New one wins.

And, there you have it.

A few songs I've recently come to love or have loved for years that I felt needed to be talked about.

And you'll have to excuse some of the video shots, most of the real music videos had disabled embedded codes.

Five Day Weekends Do Not Suck At All.

So, while I fully intended to go to school today, I only made it through first period and about 10 minutes into second.

Then I remembered I had to register for Clark this morning instead of tomorrow, so I quickly ran to the bathroom and called my mom.

She then called the attendance office and instead of just going home to register for classes then coming back, I got to stay home the whole day, BECAUSE MY MOM IS AWESOME.

And tomorrow is Senior Skip Day, and then Monday is Memorial Day so today begins my five days of sweet, sweet freedom.

"Beth" as done by Glee is currently on repeat on my itunes.

I am not ashamed of my love for that show.

Not one bit.

I know everyone who knows a senior in high school is probably sick of hearing about graduation, but I can't help but talk about it.

I mean you only leave the suckville that is high school once in your life.

And for me, that is in two weeks.

High School really was not that bad, but I definitely wouldn't try it again.

I can't wait to be out of there. I will miss a lot of the people, but let's face it, most Battle Ground graduates end up at Clark anyway, so it's more of a "see you later."

I won't miss certain people, though.

I'm going to try this whole, "Once we graduate I'm slowly going to work you out of my life" thing.

Sounds harsh, but much needed.

It's time for some new friends.

Tomorrow I'm picking up Pri (only the world's coolest Italian) and we're going to Clark to visit our friends who go there.

Seeing as most of my friends go to Clark, I couldn't think of a better way to spend a day off school.

Okay this blog is crap.

When has my writing turned to SUCK?

Sleep is for Chumps.

Today has been quite eventful, and even though I am seconds away from falling asleep, I'm going to write until my eyes close.

So if all of a sudden you read, "Today was aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(etc)" it means I've fallen asleep on the keyboard.

I think I knew today was going to go well when I picked up Carmen this morning to go to Starbucks and she bolted from her house to my car and back to drop off her wallet and then told me she had done stretching so she'd be fine.

SERIOUSLY EVERYONE NEEDS A FRIEND LIKE THIS.

We then went to get some tea (which ended up being disgusting, but that did not stop us from trying to enjoy it) and lurked in the drive thru.

And by lurk I mean used the zoom on my camera to get a picture of an employee out of the window.

There may be a future in the spy field for Carmen or I.

I was such a baby about going to the gym tonight.

After contemplating for an hour, I decided to put on sweats so I'd be more apt to leave.

Then I just complained about going, but went to my car anyway.

By the time I got to the gym I was fine and ended up having a really really good workout.

I complain far too much sometimes, but luckily I could text Blake the whole time.

This entry really has no deep meaning or purpose, I'm just trying to dump out the contents of my brain.

I have the start of a sore throat, which is either the start of a cold or the result of me singing at the top of my lungs to The Killers last night in my car.

When The Killers come up you have no other option but to crank up your stereo and belt.

And that I did.

I have three weeks left of high school.

Whoa.

I can remember having meetings with my school counselor in tenth grade looking at how to graduate early or switch to online classes or become an exchange student or ANYTHING to get out of there.

Now I've got three weeks and I have no idea how it all happened so fast.

But I'm not scared or anything, just excited.

For one, I no longer am required to attend school. Not that I won't of course, but no one is forcing me to.

Also, this whole growing up thing is too exciting to be scary.

In a few years I should be working on my first novel, or traveling, and those have always been my dreams and they finally get to happen.

Perhaps I sound young and naive, but the world is out there just waiting to be explored.

And I am going to miss some parts of high school, but for the most part I'm really not sad about leaving.

Especially because I know this town and most people will not leave it.

I will, though.

Eventually.

I am getting to the point where I am almost too tired to write. Almost.

I guess it's been a while since I've written about my love life (or lack thereof) but there really is absolutely nothing to update on.

I've still yet to acquire a boyfriend (although we may as well consider Harry Potter as my boyfriend since all I do is read about him) but I'm pretty okay with it.

I'm not really looking for a boyfriend at all.

To be honest I just want more guy friends. Yeah, I bolded that. That seemed a bit unnecessary.

Guy friends have always been more laid back and more fun to talk to.

Yes, a boyfriend would be great, but I just don't want to find one right now.

Not that I'm not crushing. Because I am. And Blake finds it necessary to tell me daily that I should get over myself and date said boy but she can shut up.

Really, I would just like some more guys to hang out with, not one that I am constantly trying to impress.

I want a boyfriend, but I'm just so blah about it right now.

We shall see.

Well, we can now conclude this writing for tonight.

None of this showcased my ability to write, it's just rambling.

But I should probably go to bed because I have school in the morning.

And my dog keeps sighing heavily like he wants me to put up my laptop.

Our Generation.

This is my first blog during BEWM (Blog Every Week in May) which Izzie and I will both be participating in, so I've decided to write about something very important to me, which is my generation.

With a mere six weeks left of high school, I will soon be entering what is known as the "young adult" part of my life.

And while to some this may be a terrifying thought, I cannot wait.

Because at that point I may actually start to encounter people my age who earn the title of an adult.

I have spent the last four years of my high school career watching almost every single one of my friends change into people who they said they would never be and it's exhausting.

I'm done with the "I'm going to try and help you become a better person" method that I tried for so many years.

Now I'm just done.

I've opted to stay clear of things like drugs, alcohol, and sleeping around because I know those aren't in any way beneficial to me. I cannot, however, say the same for the majority of my friends.

And that's fine.

We are teenagers, and if they want to explore all this new found freedom far be it from me to stop them.

But I just don't see the point. I hate the idea of not being connected to reality, and when under the influence that is gone.

The amount of respect I've lost for so many people my age is massive, and I've always known I do not want to be one of the people who others look down on because of their choices.

Of course this problem did not start with our generation and it surely won't end with ours.

It is nothing new for a teenager to discover alcohol and the lack of inhibitions it gives you. I just wish that more people my age would see that good decisions hardly come from an increase of booze.

And as if the lack of respect isn't enough, it's like people don't think of the consequences.

I don't mean to get all "you will die if you drink" but I know how poorly kids my age drive, and when you add liquor to that, we're doomed.

The number one cause of death for 15-20 year olds is car accidents, and 30 percent of those who die had blood alcohol levels that were over the legal limit.

Do they not get why this is dangerous?

It just pisses me off beyond belief that our generation is willing to get behind a wheel drunk and put lives in danger because they are too stupid to do the right thing.

No one should need to die because someone else decided to drive drunk.

I recently heard the quote, "Do not speak unless you can improve on the silence" and I feel this is something my generation needs to hear.

Some may think I can incredibly boring because I don't participate in parties that involve drinking, drugs, or random hookups, but I'd like to think that by refraining from these I'm improving our generation's reputation.

By making all these poor choices is anyone improving the world? No.

There is really no good that can come of it, aside from feeling like you fit in for a few hours.

This is a battle I've been dealing with for four long years now, and while it is impossible for me to end teenage behavior, I can continue to refrain from it.

Soon enough I will be out of high school and thus less likely to have to sit and listen to all the drunken mistakes people have made, which is a relief.

Perhaps by neglecting to party I will never fully understand or fit into this generation, but at this rate it's really not a generation I want to belong to.