Don't Just Do Something, Stand There.

The title of this entry has been on my brain for the last few hours.

I heard John Green say it in one of his videos, and he was trying to explain how often during times of grieving people are so quick to try and find the silver lining or make things better or DO SOMETHING.

But sometimes what we really need is to be in the moment and love it or hate it for exactly what it is.

We need to feel things for a reason, no matter how hard they are.

After hearing John Green talk about a girl who was sixteen and died this week, it really got me thinking about life.

Well, to be accurate it had me crying about life.

I have been so stressed about the future lately to the point where I feel anxious or moody a lot of the time.

I want to major in English and go on to be an author and travel, but I'm worried there won't be money in that for a long time until my career picks up.

I'm jealous of my friends who tried hard in high school and got accepted into colleges.

I'm upset at myself for giving up my job in New York that I would be leaving for right now.

I'm mad that I don't have a boyfriend who I can confide in and have around all the time.

I feel like I try really hard for my friends and a lot of them wouldn't do the things I do for them.

But you know what?

NONE OF THAT MATTERS IN THE BIG PICTURE.

Not that I personally know anyone who has died recently, but I've been thinking a lot about it lately.

At any moment me or someone I love could die and I can't believe I spend so much time worrying about the petty things.

Sure, leaving for University later than some of my friends seems like the end of the world at the moment, but at least I WILL go to college.

And I don't have a boyfriend, but it doesn't mean I won't in the future.

It's hard to convey all these thoughts into words, but I can't stop crying and I didn't know where else to get this stuff off my chest.

I guess I just keep thinking of that sixteen year old who died, and she's two years younger than me.

It was just over so fast for her.

In my lifetime I haven't accomplished even a fraction of the things I want to do, but I do spend everyday around people I love, and sometimes that's enough.

I always think in the sense that, "My life will start when..." and that's not how I should be thinking.

What if twenty years from now when I'm married and have a career I'm still waiting for "the big something" to happen?

I don't want to go through life waiting for something exciting to happen, when to be honest everyday should be memorable.

I want to be able to look back and not feel like I've missed out on life just because I was waiting for it to happen.

To quote John Lennon, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

I'm sick of getting stressed over not having everything in line for my future, when I should be enjoying life right now.

It feels good to get everything that has been on my brain all night into writing, but every time I think about the girl who died, I start to lose it again.

I don't care if it sounds cliche, but life really is so unpredictable and if I died tomorrow I would want to leave this world happy with my life and loving the people I'm close to, not upset because everything didn't go exactly as I wanted it to.

I guess I need to give stressing out about the future a rest, and look at it as an adventure.

Life is going to come no matter what I do, and I don't want to lose what I have today for what I think I'll need tomorrow.

Just please, go tell someone you love them, or just appreciate the fact that if you're reading this you aren't dead.

I feel much better.

A Summer Briefing

Since we're nearing the end August and I've hardly updated all summer, I believe an update is in order.

I'm not quite sure where to begin, but I suppose my employment status is a good place.

I got a job at the Clark County Fair this year working at the elephant ear booth. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into once I got hired, seeing as it was only a ten day job and they basically didn't tell us anything about the job until we showed up for work. I've had jobs before, and this one was certainly the worst I've ever had (and the best paying), but at least it was only a temporary job.

The only reason I hated the job so much was constantly getting yelled at by multiple managers whenever they were feeling stressed.

I basically whined the entire duration of the fair and I will NEVER work for them again, but I have a nice paycheck coming, so I guess that will allow the fair-induced wounds to heal a bit quicker.

Oh, and I just got hired by the Burgerville Nomad Team!

So now I have a permanent job, and an awesome one at that.

I'll be working in the Nomad (basically an ice cream truck sort of thing for Burgerville food) and traveling around the Northwest to events like concerts, festivals, parks, etc.

I screamed for about ten minutes when I found out I'd been hired, and I have orientation coming up.

I LOVE having a steady job finally!

Next up on this summer update should be my love life I suppose.

As per usual with my love life, I really don't have a whole lot to update on.

The majority of the summer has been boy-less.

The summer started off with some good potential, and I really liked the guy with said potential.

But, now we don't talk and I'm still not completely sure why.

And thus concludes the only thing close to a love life I've had ALL summer.

Now we can discuss literature.

I think I've only read around eight books this summer, but I assure you the reading WILL PICK UP.

I've been working which has seriously put a dent in my reading time, but I just finished a book today and started another, so I'm at least on the right track.

I don't know as if I've ever been this excited for school to start back up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm completely enjoying not having homework or finals, but I need school to come back.

I never thought I'd say it, but I really do miss Clark.

I feel like I've run out to energy to talk about myself, but I hope the next entry will be much more interesting.

I've got some books to read.